Talk:Swami Vivekananda's prayer to Kali at Dakshineswar

A fact from Swami Vivekananda's prayer to Kali at Dakshineswar appeared on Wikipedia's Main Page in the Did you know column on 23 October 2013 (check views). The text of the entry was as follows: Did you know... that according to scholars, Swami Vivekananda's prayer to Kali at Dakshineswar (image of deity pictured) was a significant event in his life? A record of the entry may be seen at Wikipedia:Recent additions/2013/October. The nomination discussion and review may be seen at Template:Did you know nominations/Swami Vivekananda's prayer to Kali at Dakshineswar.

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"Swami Vivekananda's prayer to Kali at Dakshineswar (1884) is the event in which Narendranath Datta (the pre-monastic name of Swami Vivekananda), following the suggestion of Ramakrishna, went to the Kali temple of Dakshineswar with the intention to pray for financial welfare, but ultimately prayed for pure knowledge, devotion and renunciation. "

This first sentence is a mess! You have tried to write every important point into this sentence.

• Make a simple statement like:

Swami Vivekananda's prayer to Kali at Dakshineswar in 1884 is the event which transformed his life. or something of that sort.

• Don't bracket the date of the event.
• Pre-monastic name goes in another sentence.
• Person who suggested it goes in another sentence
• Subject of prayer goes in another sentence
• The repetition of "the Kali temple of Dakshineswar" goes in another sentence
• Think hard about how to combined this conglomeration of facts into about three sentences altogether, and then check to see what is repeated.

Amandajm (talk) 14:01, 23 October 2013 (UTC)[reply]