Wikipedia:Peer review/Football in the Philippines/archive1
Football in the Philippines
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This peer review discussion has been closed.
I've listed this article for a peer review because, association football has been a developing sport in the Philippines and has a rich history about it, dating back in the 1900s. I also want to promote this article at least to a good article.
Thanks in advance!, FairyTailRocks (talk) 07:26, 27 December 2013 (UTC)
- I started reading the article but I can't help editing some unclear and awkward sentence constructions in the lead section. --seav (talk) 14:40, 30 December 2013 (UTC)
Comments from Cas Liber
- You wanna make the paragraphs bigger and more solid like they are in the Early years section. Some of the later sections look a bit choppy as they are in small bits. – expanded some of them.
*Also a hundred years ago,... - use the date as this expression will become stale. – changed it into a date
*to renovate and upgrade football in the Philippines - err, it is not a hotel, try "to popularise football in the Philippines" – changed renovate into build, added facilities in that part.
- The Filipinos easily fell in love with the game because of its competitive and action-packed nature. - how is basketball more competitive than football (or cricket...or chess for that matter??) - I'd drop that adjective - the sentence not sure about either - needs a ref in any case. – I've made some changes. Will that work?
- There are a few grammar errors etc. I will try and fix some and highlight some more improvements.