Wikipedia:Featured article review/Diary of a Camper/archive1

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The following is an archived discussion of a featured article review. Please do not modify it. Further comments should be made on the article's talk page or at Wikipedia talk:Featured article review. No further edits should be made to this page.

The article was kept by Nikkimaria via FACBot (talk) 2:42, 11 June 2022 (UTC) [1].

Diary of a Camper

Notified: TKD, JudgeDeadd, WP Film, WP Video games, WP Animation, talk page notice 2021-07-12

This 2006 promotion has not been maintained to standard, with problems noted on talk last July including sourcing, datedness, comprehensiveness, and prose. SandyGeorgia (Talk) 23:01, 16 April 2022 (UTC)[reply]

  • The reception section goes against all typical modern standards even for Good Articles, such as extensive use of direct quotations, such that I wouldn't even consider it up to modern GA standards. The references also need a total rework to connect them directly to inline citations with page numbers incorporated in them, which suggests to me that the referencing style is very outdated. ᴢxᴄᴠʙɴᴍ (ᴛ) 04:30, 17 April 2022 (UTC)[reply]
    Zxcvbnm please review the WP:FAR instructions; keep or delist are not declared in the FAR phase. SandyGeorgia (Talk) 13:26, 17 April 2022 (UTC)[reply]
    Apologies, I removed it. It still works as commentary without the declaration though. ᴢxᴄᴠʙɴᴍ (ᴛ) 13:29, 17 April 2022 (UTC)[reply]
    Correct; thanks! SandyGeorgia (Talk) 13:31, 17 April 2022 (UTC)[reply]
  • Hmm... This looks like an interesting one. I'll do some work on it now but look at getting some serious edits in during the first week of May. Hopefully I should have addressed the talk page concerns and started really revising it by May 8. I'll add the comments from the talkpage below so that we can keep all the comments related to this review in one place. MSG17 (talk) 17:56, 18 April 2022 (UTC)[reply]
    MSG17 templates are avoided at FAR and FAR for Template limit issues. Also, it's not necessary to transfer the full talk page notice to this page; it is linked above, so I have removed it. You can work on talk and only update issues here. SandyGeorgia (Talk) 18:07, 18 April 2022 (UTC)[reply]
  • I will go back and redo my searches and see if I can pull up additional sourcing to update the content next week when I'm (finally) back to a more regular editing pattern. Der Wohltemperierte Fuchs talk 21:52, 20 April 2022 (UTC)[reply]
    • Looks like you're doing a great job updating the article and providing more context. Thanks! MSG17 (talk) 13:15, 2 May 2022 (UTC)[reply]
      • I've gone looking at the first batch of sources I pulled and mostly I think they're just useful for further buttressing claims already in the article (first example of machinima.) There's a bit more that can be pulled out of the Den of Geek article I think, and then I'll go for a deeper trawl through my academic databases. Der Wohltemperierte Fuchs talk 19:23, 2 May 2022 (UTC)[reply]
        • I've gone through and cut a lot of the overused quotes and summarized a bit more of the content; I've also added in a bit from the newer sources I've found. I've got one potential option for more from ILL that'll be here in a few days, but I think for the most part the well of newer coverage is exhausted. MSG17 has done a good job addressing other issues. The article still needs another stiff copyedit (I'll take a stab next week), but I think it's in much better shape than it was before. Der Wohltemperierte Fuchs talk 14:29, 13 May 2022 (UTC)[reply]

I've done a copyedit. Could use additional eyes, but I think the issues I brought up on the talk page have been addressed at this point. Der Wohltemperierte Fuchs talk 15:37, 29 May 2022 (UTC)[reply]

So, ready for a full read-through now? On my list ... SandyGeorgia (Talk) 16:43, 29 May 2022 (UTC)[reply]

I have made a number of copyedits that should be checked. [2] SandyGeorgia (Talk) 20:31, 1 June 2022 (UTC)[reply]

  • Where does the quote end? Wikilink Stanford? Stanford University media curator Henry Lowood wrote that "Diary of a Camper broke with the demo movie as documented gameplay by moving away from the traditional first-person perspective of players.[10]
  • Not a gamer, so these will be dumb queries ... so ... the lead explains that the Rangers are not characters in the game, rather a clan of players of the game. I think. But then when I hit the Synopsis section, I feel like the Rangers are characters in the game. What are characters in the game called, and is there a way to clarify this for the clueless like me?
  • The infobox mentions "United Ranger Films", but there is no mention in the text, and it would be helpful to know some of the production process, that is, how these gamers came together to form a company to launch a film. None of the business side is explained.

SandyGeorgia (Talk) 20:31, 1 June 2022 (UTC)[reply]

    • Hey Sandy, edits look good.
    • As to the synopsis, the players are basically playing "themselves" (or their game avatars) in the film, but it's also pretty much irrelevant since the plot is so basic. I went ahead and removed the United Ranger Films bit. There's not really any "business" to the film since it was a bunch of people self-publishing the file on the internet; "United Ranger Films" was just their made-of vanity arm of their already ersatz clan. Der Wohltemperierte Fuchs talk 21:08, 3 June 2022 (UTC)[reply]
      Keep, thanks David; @Buidhe, Hog Farm, and Z1720: for a look. SandyGeorgia (Talk) 23:18, 3 June 2022 (UTC)[reply]
      • Keep, read through it and nothing stood out as problematic. Hog Farm Talk 03:34, 8 June 2022 (UTC)[reply]
The above discussion is preserved as an archive. Please do not modify it. No further edits should be made to this page.
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