Wikipedia:Featured article candidates/Wonder World Tour/archive1

Add links
Source: Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia.
The following is an archived discussion of a featured article nomination. Please do not modify it. Subsequent comments should be made on the article's talk page or in Wikipedia talk:Featured article candidates. No further edits should be made to this page.

The article was not promoted by SandyGeorgia 00:24, 16 April 2011 [1].

Wonder World Tour

Wonder World Tour (edit | talk | history | protect | delete | links | watch | logs | views)

Toolbox
Nominator(s): ipodnano05 * leave@message 04:06, 14 March 2011 (UTC)[reply]

I am nominating this for featured article because I feel the article meets the criteria to become a Featured Article in Wikipedia. It has already been been granted Good Article status and received a peer review in the past. And, I think it's ready now. -- ipodnano05 * leave@message 04:06, 14 March 2011 (UTC)[reply]

Images

  • File:Wonder_World_Tour_poster.png - FUR needs some work. "The image is significant in identifying the subject of the article, which is the song." - no, the subject is the tour, not the song. "The image is used in the article section giving a visual description of the poster released for the tour." - no, it's in the infobox. "The image has a brief description that identifies the image, notes the source, and provides attribution to the copyright holder." - no, you don't tell us who has copyright. Also, licensing tag is incorrect, as this is not an album cover.
  • Done
  • File:Miley_Cyrus_-_Wonder_World_Tour_-_Breakout.jpg - need a more informative description than "A teenage girl singing" (as for other images with similar description). Also, who holds copyright for the stage design and props (like whatever that big thing behind her is)?
  • Not necessarily true - images can be erroneously transferred or uploaded to Commons without being free. I'm not sure of US copyright laws surrounding stage design, which is why I'm not opposing over this issue, but it's still something you should look into. Nikkimaria (talk) 13:10, 15 March 2011 (UTC)[reply]
  • I think what Nikki means is that a photo of a copyrighted work (like the stage) might not be "free" under one of the quirks of American copyright law. I'm a copy editor, not a copyright lawyer, but I don't see anything in the design that's original enough for copyright to apply, with the possible exception of the motorbike. HJ Mitchell | Penny for your thoughts? 18:45, 17 March 2011 (UTC)[reply]

Lead Comments Hi there. I'll leave a longer review later, but I'm reviewing the lead for now. Here's what I have for you so far:

"The Wonder World Tour is the second concert tour by American recording artist Miley Cyrus, in order to promote her second studio album Breakout (2008) and first extended play (EP) The Time of Our Lives (2009)." This sentence doesn't really make sense. There should probably be something before "in order to", like "she began the tour in order to".

"in order to prevent the extensive ticket scalping that occurred during Cyrus' previous tour." This is another sentence that doesn't make much sense. I understand what the meaning is, but it sounds as if she's trying to prevent the ticket scalping that already occurred. Perhaps you could say something like "ticket scalping similar to what had occurred during Cyrus' previous tour". Also, perhaps you could add a wikilink for "ticket scalping". We both know what it means, but others (especially from other countries) might not.

"an organization devoted to fight against cancer." Should be: "an organization devoted to the fight against cancer" or "fighting cancer".

"The Wonder World Tour was described as part of Cyrus' transitional period" Not a big deal, but I would say "has been described".

"all of which bared different themes" Again, not a huge deal, but I would say "each of which had a different theme"

The second paragraph of the lead used "Cyrus" a lot. Maybe replaced a few of those with "she"

"The Wonder World Tour was financially successful despite the financial recession that was present in 2009." Maybe remove the word "financially" to remove some redundancy.

"It was able to sell-out all European dates in ten minutes and mark the largest attendance at The O2 Arena in London, England." Should be "marks".

"During the first leg of the tour, one bus overturned several times in a highway." Should be "on a highway".

"but multiple theories for it exist." I think "yet multiple theories exist" sounds a little better.(sorry, forgot to sign)-RHM22 (talk) 15:09, 17 March 2011 (UTC)[reply]

Ok, looks good! I'll leave you a review for the rest of the article later.-RHM22 (talk) 18:11, 17 March 2011 (UTC)[reply]

More comments: I'm still not finished with this review! I apologize for my slowness. Anyway, I'll try to get to the rest of it tomorrow. For now, here are few more comments in addition to the miscellaneous minor fixes I made throughout.

Development:

"The Wonder World Tour was titled accordingly because of its diversity in themes and styles." "Accordingly" doesn't seem to be in the proper context here. Maybe something like "The Wonder World Tour was so named because..." or "Wonder World Tour was chosen as the title because..."

  • Done.

"The reason for the prior to occur was because..." sounds very awkward. Maybe something like "the reason for this was..." Later on in that sentence, it says "Cyrus felt more confident as a vocalist to perform stunts and use props while singing.", which I don't understand the meaning of. Did you mean that using props made her feel more comfortable on stage? If so, I would suggest rewording it as such: "Cyrus felt more confident while performing stunts and using props during her performances."

The first part was done. In regards to the other part, not really. What I meant is that, since her voice grew, she became more confident as a vocalist. Therefore, she was able to use props while singing. Before, she did not want to use props because she didn't feel she could do that and sing at the same time. Am I being clear? -- ipodnano05 * leave@message 18:12, 18 March 2011 (UTC)[reply]

"Ideas were given by different people and experimented during filmed rehearsals to filter which ideas would make the final cut." This is also awkward. Maybe something like "Ideas were suggested by different individuals and were tested during filmed rehearsals in order to decide which would make the final cut." Also, it might be a good idea to explain who the people are that gave the ideas (employees, friends, planners etc)

I would, but the interview just says people. It doesn't specify. -- ipodnano05 * leave@message 18:12, 18 March 2011 (UTC)[reply]
Ok, that's fine then. There's nothing you can do if your source doesn't say anything else!-RHM22 (talk) 19:57, 18 March 2011 (UTC)[reply]

"tractor-resembling car" sounds extremely awkward. I'm not sure what to replace it with, but it looks very odd in there.-RHM22 (talk) 04:05, 18 March 2011 (UTC)[reply]

What about car that resembled a tractor? I don't know. They both seem awkward to me. -- ipodnano05 * leave@message 18:12, 18 March 2011 (UTC)[reply]
That is a tough one. Was it a car made to look like a tractor? If so, maybe something like "a car altered to resemble a tractor" might be better.-RHM22 (talk) 19:57, 18 March 2011 (UTC)[reply]
Yeah. That's basically it. I changed it. -- ipodnano05 * leave@message 20:20, 18 March 2011 (UTC)[reply]

Comments: Ok, my review is finished. I fixed several minor typos and grammar stuff, but I do have two more suggestions for you.

Bus accident

"Bumped up" seems incredibly informal, especially for an FAC. It should probably be "injured" or something like that.

  • Replaced with "suffered minor injuries"

"Zilio was later able to return to work on the Wonder World Tour with some injuries and a bit rattled, but in fine condition." Maybe something like "Zilio was later able to return to work on the tour, despite some minor injuries."

  • Reworded

Also, maybe something like "Bus incident" would be a better header. It's not a huge deal, but "incident" just sounds better to me. It's your call on that one.

Nope, it's fine the way it is.-RHM22 (talk) 14:49, 19 March 2011 (UTC)[reply]

General comments:

My biggest problem with the article is the multitude of images of Cyrus performing. They're nice photos, but it seems like there are too many of them and a number of them are not really in the relevant sections. Maybe replacing some of the ones of her performing with some photos of the other people discussed in the article would help to even it out a little bit.

I'm sorry but there are no free images of the personnel. -- ipodnano05 * leave@message 02:42, 19 March 2011 (UTC)[reply]

Also, I copyedited the entire article, but I still think it needs a good once over from another set of eyes. Perhaps it would be a good idea to leave a request with the Guild of copyeditors and see if anyone over there would like to give it a check.

  • I'm a decent copy-editor (and MoS wonk), but somewhat pressed for time. If you could be more specific about what you feel needs attention, I'll do what I can. HJ Mitchell | Penny for your thoughts? 21:29, 18 March 2011 (UTC)[reply]
    • Well, I'm not certain that there's any one section that could use copyediting, just a once over of the whole article in case I missed anything (and I'm sure I did!) For instance, "Cyrus" is repeated a lot throughout the article. I fixed a few of them, but there are still some that look awkward when replaced with "she", so I left those alone. Someone else looking at the article might not think it necessary for it to be copyedited, but there a few interruptions in the flow to my eye.-RHM22 (talk) 21:38, 18 March 2011 (UTC)[reply]

Ok, that's it!-RHM22 (talk) 21:11, 18 March 2011 (UTC)[reply]

Support The article reads good now, and though I still think it could use a minor copyedit, I believe it should make "the climb" to featured article!-RHM22 (talk) 14:49, 19 March 2011 (UTC)[reply]

Sources comments: Nitpicks.

  • Non-print sources should not be italicized (e.g. MTV News, CNN etc)
  • Done.
  • See Ref 7
  • Done.
  • Ref 21: The source appears to be the recording of a song, yet the text cited to it seems to be mainly about Miley Cyrus's various changes of clothing. How does this work?
  • Ref 9: "MTV. Viacom"; Ref 25: "MTV. Getty Images". Why the difference?
  • Ref 35: Why the use of parentheses? - and "retrieved" rather than "Retrieved".
  • Done.
  • Ref 40: "retrieved" lower case
  • Done.

Otherwise sources seem to be OK, though I have not had time for any significant spotchecking. Brianboulton (talk) 20:31, 23 March 2011 (UTC)[reply]

Comments Not too bad, mostly minor prose issues

  • The poster's FUR needs improving; "To provide a visual companion to an informative article" isn't really a good enough reason to use non-free content
    • Done.
  • "The tour was made" → The tour was held
    • Done.
  • "It began in September 2009 and concluded in December 2009, visiting cities in the United States and United Kingdom; thus, the Wonder World Tour became Cyrus' first world tour." - don't like the use of "thus" here as the two parts of the sentence aren't really related. Also maybe change "world" to "international"
    • Why doesn't it relate? It covered the United Kingdom, a new territory for her. Her last tour was also international because it covered Canada. This covers another continent and that is usually referred to as a "world tour". -- ipodnano05 * leave@message 22:05, 8 April 2011 (UTC)[reply]
      • The current wording is slightly confusing as when I read it I thought it meant her first tour. Maybe I'm a bit thick, but it may be a good idea to stipulate that it was her first world tour but not her first tour?
  • "The full-length concert film was released on the limited, deluxe edition of Cyrus' third studio album" - no need for comma
  • "furthering her distance from Hannah Montana franchise" - needs a "the" before Hannah
    • Done.
  • "including Cyrus' then-active Twitter account" - remove "then-active"
  • Per MOS:CAPTION - captions that are full sentences require captions, those that are not do not
    • Done.
  • "the average rehearsal period is about three months" - for Cyrus? For pop musicians?
    • Done.
  • why is the Best of Both Worlds Tour linked in "Development"?
    • Done.
  • "It consisted of a rectangular main stage, which features staircases that elevate the center of the stage, a narrow runway, and a B-stage that runs the length of the main stage and connected to the main stage by the runway" - changes tense multiple times
    • Done.
  • "Cyrus noted that it's" - don't use contractions except in direct quotes
    • Done.
  • "multi-screen, video units" - why the comma?
    • Done.
  • "The structure of the video panels was designed by Jammal Sims" - do not need his first name as you have already mentioned him
    • Done.
  • "to go airborne" isn't flash prose
  • "asking them to bring their "hopes, wishes, and dreams."" - quotes should be followed directly by a ref
    • Done.
  • "Because it came along late in the design process, the main elevator was not built to handle the weight of the car" - I don't think you have mentioned any car before this (I may be wrong). Explain "the car"
  • "silver, flowing, evening gown" - no need for commas
    • Done.
  • I suggest you give the article a read-through and copy-edit it. I can give more examples for you to fix, if you wish.

Adabow (talk · contribs) 06:05, 8 April 2011 (UTC) Some more comments:[reply]

  • Unlink Trace Cyrus in the synopsis as it is linked beforehand
    • Done.
  • "[i]f there was any worries that Miley Cyrus" → "if there [were] any worries that Miley Cyrus"
    • Done.
  • The picture in the 'Bus accident' section is inappopriate here
  • "One person, Bill "Uncle Bill" Douglas, a 53-year-old of Austin, Texas, died at the scene of the accident" - mention his role in the tour
    • Done.
  • The 'Opening act' section should be in the 'Setlist' section (maybe a subsection?)
  • Who published the press release ref (#3)?
    • Done.
  • It is unclear that ref 14 is a video (I found out in the cite template). Is the video available online? How are readers able to access the video?
  • Ref 46 is a press release - use {{cite press release}}
    • Done.
  • Allmusic ref (#47) - Allmusic does not need to be italicised
    • Done.

Adabow (talk · contribs) 04:25, 9 April 2011 (UTC)[reply]

Comment Possibly oppose. I see a real problem with the boxscore references. Only two reference is used to justify them, but they neither have any issue date, nor any publication date. Furthermore, I have access to Billboard and can say that WW tour is present in 10 different issues. So that whole table fails WP:OR. — Legolas (talk2me) 14:43, 8 April 2011 (UTC)[reply]

I don't know what to do about it, quite frankly. I trusted that someone had added them with correct references. I don't know how to add it, nor do I have a subscription to Billboard magazine. I'm sorry, but can you please help? -- ipodnano05 * leave@message 22:05, 8 April 2011 (UTC)[reply]
Yes, I can help, but it will take hell lot of time, something I dont think/not sure the FAC will cover. I think you know my present condition Ipod, hence... It really takes time to search billboard.biz archives. Note to you for future references, always ask editors like me or Eric—people who have access to archives—to check these things. — Legolas (talk2me) 12:51, 9 April 2011 (UTC)[reply]
Oh god, I had forgotten. I'm so sorry. I'll ask Eric for hep myself. I don't want to put a burden on you. -- ipodnano05 * leave@message 18:02, 9 April 2011 (UTC)[reply]


The above discussion is preserved as an archive. Please do not modify it. No further edits should be made to this page.
Retrieved from "https://en.wikipedia.org/w/index.php?title=Wikipedia:Featured_article_candidates/Wonder_World_Tour/archive1&oldid=1194564489"