Wikipedia:Featured article candidates/Oxford College of Emory University/archive1

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The following is an archived discussion of a featured article nomination. Please do not modify it. Subsequent comments should be made on the article's talk page or in Wikipedia talk:Featured article candidates. No further edits should be made to this page.

The article was archived by Ian Rose via FACBot (talk) 12:40, 31 October 2014 (UTC) [1].[reply]

Oxford College of Emory University

Nominator(s): haha169 (talk) 03:20, 8 September 2014 (UTC)[reply]

I would love to see this article become featured status. Thank you all in advance for reviewing and making sure that this article meets the criteria! haha169 (talk) 03:20, 8 September 2014 (UTC)[reply]

Image review

Thank you for your image review. Please let me know if you need anything else! --haha169 (talk) 01:07, 15 September 2014 (UTC)[reply]

Source review - spotchecks not done

With the exception of the archived urls showing up in the checklinks tools, everything should be fixed. Thank you again for your very thorough review; I appreciate it! --haha169 (talk) 23:56, 7 October 2014 (UTC)[reply]

Comments by Mike Christie

Weak oppose Oppose, on prose grounds. Some specific points from the first couple of sections are below, and then a couple of items from later in the article to indicate that the problems are throughout. There is a lot of good material here but it needs a pass through from a good writer who is unfamiliar with the material and hence will spot places where the writing is disconnected or out of chronological order.

  • "In 1833 the Georgia Methodist Conference first considered establishing a church-sponsored manual labor school": I'm not sure what "first" means here. Was this the first time they considered establishing a church-sponsored manual labour school? Or the first time they considered establishing a school at all?
  • "The Conference then granted Ignatius Alphonso Few a charter to establish a college": I don't think "then" means anything here; I'd cut it.
  • "The new school, Emory College, was first established on tract of land": you don't need "new" and "first"; I'd cut "first".
  • "This site was chosen because of its relative distance from the city": cut "relative".
  • "Because the college and town were planned together, many of the town's residents were affiliated to the college. Consequently, the two entities shared a common purpose." I don't understand what "affiliated" means here -- do you mean that most of the town's residents were connected to the college in some way, usually by employment? If so, the second sentence isn't really clear either; what does it mean to say that the town shared the same purpose? I imagine the intended meaning is something like "the town was run in a way that was supportive of the college's goals", but it's not clear.
  • I think the second half of this paragraph needs some resequencing -- a more chronological sequence would make it easier on the reader. You say the college was established on a tract of land, but in fact both the college and town were established there, and saying that at that point would be helpful.
  • As far as I can tell the Georgia Conference Manual Labor School was in Covington, but the articles doesn't actually say that.
  • You don't give the date of establishment of Emory College; the town's date of incorporation is given later, but not the college. Are they the same? It doesn't seem so, because "two years after the chartering" is in 1838, but the town isn't incorporated till 1839.
  • How can the first act of the new student body by in 1837, when the first class wasn't welcomed till 1838?
  • "remains the oldest structure still remaining": rephrase to avoid two "remain"s.
  • "Both Phi Gamma and Few Halls were used as infirmaries for wounded soldiers from 1843 to 1864" implies that it was used for that purpose well before the Civil War; can we be more specific? The only context the article gives is the Civil War.

This is where I stopped reading in detail. A couple more points chosen at random from later in the article (this is not a complete list of problems):

  • "Prior to the outbreak of war, financial tension had reduced the college's income and student body, and the school briefly closed in the summer of 1861 in anticipation of the American Civil War": redundant mention of the war.
  • "By the turn of the 20th century, Emory College still remained rooted in Oxford. Nonetheless, Emory College produced several notable graduates during this era." Why "nonetheless"? And what does "rooted" mean here; just "located"?
  • "The campus and the city of Oxford was planned and built in 1837 by Edward Lloyd Thomas ..." We already know the date from the earlier section; it's not unreasonable to separate the campus section in the way you've done here but I don't think this works. At a minimum, avoid duplicating material between the two sections unless it's necessary for flow; and keep the Campus section to current status, with the history in the historical section.
  • "was established as Emory University's unofficial mascot and originated in Oxford in 1901": unless you mean "was originated", which would be less than ideal phrasing, this needs to be reworded.
  • "As of 2012 there were over 50 registered student organizations which cover a variety of interests": tense mismatch between "were" and "cover".

I'm sure you can fix the points I've raised above, but I think the whole article needs to be copyedited. It's not in terrible shape, but the prose is not yet at FA level, I'm afraid. -- Mike Christie (talk - contribs - library) 00:52, 9 October 2014 (UTC)[reply]

Thank you for your comments, Mike! I will get to work on them soon, as well as do a full copyedit of my own. Done --haha169 (talk) 04:10, 11 October 2014 (UTC)[reply]
Haha169 asked me to take another look at the article after the recent copyedit. It's definitely improved, but reading through I still see places where the prose is less than optimal. I've changed to "weak oppose" because the problems now look to me to be more marginal. I would still recommend a third party copyedit. I see no problems with content or comprehensiveness but haven't done a thorough review with those criteria in mind; I was paying attention mostly to the prose. Mike Christie (talk - contribs - library) 11:15, 22 October 2014 (UTC)[reply]

Closing comment -- This has been open almost eight weeks without achieving consensus to promote so I'll be archiving it shortly; it can be renominated after a minimum of two weeks has passed and I suggest following Mike's advice to seek a further copyedit by an uninvolved party during that time. Cheers, Ian Rose (talk) 12:39, 31 October 2014 (UTC)[reply]

The above discussion is preserved as an archive. Please do not modify it. No further edits should be made to this page.
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