User talk:Patrick Dooris

Hello, Patrick Dooris, and welcome to Wikipedia! My name is Shalor and I work with Wiki Education; I help support students who are editing as part of a class assignment.

I hope you enjoy editing here. If you haven't already done so, please check out the student training library, which introduces you to editing and Wikipedia's core principles. You may also want to check out the Teahouse, a community of Wikipedia editors dedicated to helping new users. Below are some resources to help you get started editing.

If you have any questions, please don't hesitate to contact me on my talk page. Shalor (Wiki Ed) (talk) 20:00, 12 February 2020 (UTC)[reply]

Hi Patrick,

You have a lot of good material here and I think you'll end up writing an interesting article. Here is what I'd like to see you do to improve this for the final version.

1) There were a lot of capitalization and apostrophe errors, including in the name of the convention itself in the very first sentence. Be sure to go over the article several times to make sure all proper nouns are capitalized (Fifteenth Amendment, Rhode Island, etc.) and that you have apostrophes in all the proper places (workers', caulkers', etc.).

2)My sense in reading this is that you ran out of steam. You tried to summarize every single part of the proceedings, then eventually you got exhausted before you were able to dig down into the significance of the convention (and it looks like you only got through two days). You don't need to summarize everything that happened. It's much better to pick out some of the most important debates, arguments, votes, and themes and explain the significance of them. For instance, I'm pretty sure that the convention talked about Chinese workers, but I don't see that mentioned here. I would urge you to consider reorganizing the article around the most important debates and focusing on those, rather than giving a blow-by-blow account of everything that happened. You're not going to be able to summarize the meeting entirely without spending a ton of additional time. Instead, skim through the minutes and find the most important major issues and make those the center of your article. Your readers will be much more interested in the big picture issues than the minute details of what happened each day. Also, doing this will help you better establish the notability and significance of the topic.

3) Be sure to create a References section, as outlined on the template for the article that I handed out in class.

4)Finally, were African American women involved in the convention at all? Our partner website, the Colored Conventions Project, really wants us to add material on women whenever possible. Please check your minutes again on this point and include information on women if possible. It seems like the convention did discuss a lot of issues, such as education, and said that they should extend to everyone regardless of sex.StaceySmithOSU (talk) 03:30, 15 March 2020 (UTC)[reply]

I really liked your layout and your page has a clear path of information that checks out to be from accurate and reliable sources. The tone of your piece appears to me to be neutral and fair. Upon proof reading and checking out your sources you have done a very good job of researching and translating the data you have found on you subject. -Avery Groner

I really enjoyed reading your article. The layout was easy to follow and the information that was put forth was done in an order that was easily followed. I thought that you could maybe add a bit more about the founding of the convention but other than I don't have any revisions. Well done. Noblett97 (talk) 00:09, 14 March 2020 (UTC) — Preceding unsigned comment added by StaceySmithOSU (talk • contribs)