User talk:Elenadob/sandbox

Chris DiNome Peer Review

You do a good job of explaining why these devices are necessary without going into too much detail about type 1 diabetes.

I also like how you structured the existing continuous glucose monitors section. It briefly touches on a bunch of different devices which gives me a good idea of what they do, and why newer technologies are better (less finger pricks per day, etc.)

Overall, I would make sure to add more citations in the final draft. Almost every sentence should have a citation. In particular, I would make sure you cite anything that makes a statement like "Therefore, for type 1 patients it is necessary that the levels be kept balanced when the body cannot produce insulin itself." because it is making a statement that should be backed up by a source.

Regarding the sentence about the preliminary research, I would say either do not include that sentence, or expand on it more, maybe explaining any results that are not insignificant if any?

Minor Edits

- "Their system can be accessed by smartphone, and is able to predict the future glucose levels of the patient and can warn the user anywhere form 10 minutes to an hour before the level becomes too high or low. " (form -> from)

- "The first continuous glucose monitor (CGM) was approved in December 2016. Developed by Dexcom, the G5 Mobile Continuous Monitoring System requires users to prick their fingers twice a day (as opposed to the typical average 8 times daily with the traditional meters) in order to calibrate the device. The sensors used last seven days. " (I would change the last sentence here to something like "These sensors last up to seven days". I found the last sentence confusing on the first read through.)

Overall, I would say the most important thing you could change is make sure you add citations for all of the information you are including, especially considering it is in a medical field. I like the structure you chose for the sections you plan to add - I feel it flows very nicely and gives the reader a good overview of what these devices are and why they're important. The section about existing continuous glucose monitors is great, but I would definitely include more about the Bionic Pancreas itself, as it looks like you plan to do.

GCSChris (talk) 16:32, 24 October 2018 (UTC) Ethan McCue (talk) 16:49, 24 October 2018 (UTC) Ethan McCue (talk) 16:49, 24 October 2018 (UTC) ... the endocrine functionality of the pancreas is in islet cells which produce the ...[reply]

"is in" feels a bit ambiguous. "is provided by"?

Thats basically it, Chris covered I think everything else.