User talk:Dvine16/sandbox

Hello, this is Peter Carley from class. Just thought I'd give you some feedback for the peer-review portion of our Wikiassignment. Some strongpoints of your article include:

• organization. This article effectively uses subtitles and stays on-topic in chronological order. By keeping things organized, the article has a neat appearance and makes the reader far more likely to look through it.
• quality of writing. Your writing is well-organized, and you present the facts in a concise and clear way. You do a good job at summarizing the main parts of your topic, and stay broad in terms of coverage. Your article seems relatively neutral, and you do a good job at avoiding a persuasive tone of writing.

Here are some suggestions for improvement:

• Given the extent of your coverage of Mexican indigenismo, you should definitely incorporate both Zapata and Pancho Villa in your article. It seems that you cover a lot about Mexican presidents and their policies regarding indigenismo, but fail to mention other key players in the indigenous struggle.
• You use a very limited range of sources. Even if your sources are well-informed, it would improve your article to incorporate different information from a wide range of articles. Given the broad nature of your topic--Indigenismo--it would make more sense if you included a broad range of sources.
• By the same token, the number of places you discuss indigenismo seems limited; you state that "Indigenismo was applied differently in several Latin American countries" but solely discuss its role in Mexico. I would like to see how it is incorporated in other Latin American countries to get the full scope of its reach.
• Illustrations could be useful. In order to make the page more catchy and provide some visual stimulation, illustrations would be a nice touch. Perhaps you could incorporate some into your article and discuss their significance to indigenismo as a whole.

Hey, I'm peer-reviewing your article. It's good overall. The only thematic problem: You say in the lead that Indigenismo spread throughout Latin America, but the article only talks about Indigenismo in Mexico. Other than that, there are two minor points:

• One of your sentences is just "Plutarco Elías Calles (1924-1928)." I don't know if you deleted the rest of a sentence and left that fragment, or you meant to write more there.
• You say the date of the First National Congress of Indigenous People, but don't say the year.

Other than that, it looks solid. I'd recommend researching more about Indigenismo outside Mexico. ModestMoussorgsky (talk) 05:00, 5 April 2015 (UTC)[reply]

• Overall, I think you should add information about Indigenismo from other parts of the country. You give a lot of detail about Mexico, but you state in your lead that Indigenismo was used differently in different Latin American countries. You should explain these differences.
  
• The first sentence in your article is too vague. You should incorporate the fourth sentence into the first sentence and combine your existing first and second sentences into something like:
  

"Indigenismo is a nationalist Latin American political ideology that began in the late nineteenth century and persisted through the twentieth that celebrates indigenous culture as part of a nation's history and attempts to integrate indigenous populations under the authority of a nation-state. Historically, it has been implemented by non-indigenous actors and has been enacted by a number of policies..."

• You claim that indigenismo operated under racist paradigms, but you don't give a citation or explain what is racist. Although I agree with you, it is not a neutral point of view. There are other instances of non-neutral language throughout your article that you should change to reflect a neutral point of view.
  
• This is a fragment: "During the aftermath of the revolution when the new government incorporated Indigenismo as an official ideology into the 1917 Constitution."
  
• You should consider adding more citations throughout your two sections. For example, the first several sentences in "Indigenismo under Echeverria" are un-cited. Most of the sub-section "First National Congress of Indigenous People" has no citations.
  
• You wrote, "In Patzcuaro, Michoacan the First National Congress of Indigenous People was held from October 7-10." What year?
  
• You should make a new section for references so they aren't just hanging at the end of the article with no heading.

Again, good job! I look forward to reviewing it again when it is closer to being finished. Glasshn (talk) 23:41, 5 April 2015 (UTC)[reply]