User talk:D port34/sandbox
Bingnan Liu: Nice Works! I think you have done the major work of this project. You summary her life story and also emphasize her influence. the sources are also reliable since you have primary sources and secondary sources together. The only suggestion here is to switch your Bibliography to the Reference style as the Wikipedia request. And also add the external links section to complete this project.
Dakota Schneider: I enjoyed the organization of the article and the detail in each of the brief paragraphs. My recommendation would simply be to increase the coverage of each paragraph about the subject to paint a fuller picture of Nancy. I would also alter the Success Story since that presents a certain bias towards the subject and instead change the title to something like "legacy" if she produced a lasting effect from her individual efforts. Another edit may be to remove the bibliography as that was for our class and Wikipedia notes your references everytime you cite a source. This is because Wikipedia has their own format and will likely remove our Chicago bibliographies, even if they don't it may be considered odd to have two reference sections. With these edits, you should have a very well put together article. — Preceding unsigned comment added by Daschn16 (talk • contribs) 22:47, 28 November 2018 (UTC)
Prof. Smith Feedback: Hi Derick,
I think you've got a good foundation for your final article. The entry is well-researched and nicely written. The work that you need to do is mainly fine tuning and adding a few things to complete the assignment. Many of your peers' comments are right on and I would be sure to follow them in your final draft as I had many of the same thoughts. Here are specific things to work on: 1) I would remove all the language about Gooch being an abolitionist. I'm sure she was antislavery, but it doesn't appear that she had a lot of activism around that. 2) In line with my first comment, I would change the lead to a stronger statement that downplays praising her success story (because, as Dakota notes, Wikipedia may have a problem with this since it doesn't appear neutral). I also think you'll want to emphasize her importance and notability more, which I know is something you've been struggling with so far. I would change the lead to something like this: Nancy Gooch was an early African American settler in California and one of the state's most successful nineteenth-century black female entrepreneurs (or landowners?). 3) In the same vein, I would tone down the language a bit in the "Legacy" section. First, I would say Gooch was one of the first black women to become a successful farmer and landholder in California. I would also take out the material about getting their son and put that up under the "Maryland to California" section since it isn't really a lasting legacy, but more about her personal life. 4)Under "Legacy," I think you could help bolster her notability by emphasizing the James Marshall and gold discovery more. Did you see this pamphlet? I think you could use it to establish the Gooches' connections to Marshall (her son dug his grave and were close neighbors) and the fact that the Gooch/Monroe lands were purchased by the state of California to become a state park, now the Marshall Gold Discovery State Historic Park: http://www.parks.ca.gov/pages/484/files/marshallgoldwebbrochure2013.pdf 5) Finally, remember that you need "See Also" and "External Links" sections to have a complete assignment. See the article template that I handed out in class, and that is posted on our Canvas homepage, for details on what to include in these sections and how to format them. StaceySmithOSU (talk) 19:31, 1 December 2018 (UTC)