User:JSLongwell/Sandbox

The United States of America, also known as the US (not THEM), America (the important part, anyway), the Land of Oppurtunity, the Great Melting Pot, the Great Satan, USA! USA! USA!, the Whore of Babylon, the US of A, the US of A**holes, Land of the Free, Home of the Brave, Land of the Infidel, Home of the Whopper, the People's Republic of United Democratic Emirates and States, or simply, the United States, is a country located in Northern America that includes most of the land between Canada and Mexico, large parts of Canada, two disconnected and often forgotten "states", and a majority of the insignificant islands off the coasts of the mainland. The United States is a republic that's kind of like a democratic federation, but only in a representative way, and sometimes acts like a combination of a oligarchy and a three-ring circus. The history is long and complex, and boring. The United States was invented by Christopher Columbus in 1592 and later discovered by George Washington in 1776. The Continental Railroad was built sometime after that, and in 1976 Jimmy "Nucular" Carter was elected president. The United States economy is considered large by some. It was based mostly on agricultural products until The Revolution. It is now based mostly on Wal-Mart. Since the end of World War II, some have classified the nation as a "big power". Americans like to say "super power" (APA: [Şűē'pŭŗ pơŵ!-ėřřřŗ]). The Soviet Union also liked to call itself a super power (Russian: Ѕцрзя Рощэя, APA: [řμšķΐė çǿmmįĕ βåşťãŗđ]). The United States quickly put an end to that. The geography of the United States isn't important because Americans have plenty of dynomite and bulldozers to deal with that. The people are clean and industrious, although they are often neither clean nor industrious. Americans are typically hated outside of their native land, but can be very loveable when properly fed and groomed. Famous Americans include Micheal Jackson, Celine Dion, Jesus, and Roger Rabbit.

History

The United States was first invented in 1592 by Christopher Columbus. The Indians, or "Native Americans", informed him that they invented the same thing hundreds or, as they claimed, thousands of years ago. Columbus quickly set out to destroy their lab equipment and research journals so no one would ever know the truth. This insured that the capital of Ohio would be named after him and not Sitting Bull. This clash would forever sour the relationship between two societies that could have been really good friends. The moment most remembered from this period is when Columbus stood before an Indian chief, drank from a Big Gulp cup, and then crumpled it up and threw it on the ground. A single tear rolled down the cheek of the Indian and as he walked away, he could be heard sobbing like a baby.

Word spread quickly about this new invention and lots of people from Yerup came to see it. They also brought a bunch of people from Afrika with them. The people from Afrika didn't really want to come see it, but the Yerupeons were very convincing. While Spain and Portugal conquered the lower 75% of the Americas. Finally, on the third Thursday of November 1680, the United States founding father

Later George Washington discovered in 1776. The Continental Railroad was built sometime after that, and in 1976 Jimmy "Nucular" Carter was elected president.

The United States was founded on July 2, 1776 when the pilgrims, under the leadership of Christopher Columbus, John Hancock, George Washington Carver, Uncle Sam, and the snake that Benjamin Franklin cut up sat down to write the Constitution. The document was signed two days later, though sadly, Columbus was unable to sign. He had been shot in a dual with Alexander Hamilton on July 3. Immediately following the signing of the document, it was sent to whoever was king in Britain. The king responded with the Declaration of Independence which declared the states independent from Britain. However, the declaration was in British English and therefore completely uncomprehensible. A war was then started. This war continued until 1812, when it was renamed the War of 1812. The name quickly become obsolete and eventually the Americans relized that the British had infact surrendered many years ago. So, due to the lack of a worthy advisary, America turned the war on itself and thought up a sexier name. The Civil War eventaully became a World War and even led to a spin off. In 1945, a bunch of nurses and sailors gathered in the streets of New and Improved York to announce the end of all wars. Thus began the thousand years of Pax Americana. The United States has never had another war, because all military operations are now called peace keeping missions, minor conflicts, or skuffles.

Government

The United States is a democracy, which means unlike most other nations, where the government is run by a single tyrannical party of minorities focused solely on their own personal agendas, the American government is in the hands of two such powerful parties. This is called the Seperation of Powers. In turn, this also creates a system of Checks and Balances, as each party seeks large checks and other forms of funds in order to increase the balances of their bank accounts. This preoccupation with money, frees the People from the watchful eye of the Parties and allows them to govern themselves.

(IPA: [/ ˈʤʌstɪn ɛs ˈlɔŋ.ˌwɛl/])