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Ashley Sankowski, Ashley I, or Fléance fitz Flaad, Thane of Lochaber, Son of Banquo (born 3 August 1018) was the Thane of Lochaber. She ascended the thanage following the untimely and grisly murder of her father, Banquo fitz Alain, the previous Thane of Lochaber.

On 3 August 1996, Ashley abdicated her thanage to her successor Walter fitz Alan, in order to pursue her dreams of being an actress. To that end, she moved to the United States, because other theatre sucks.

She will matriculate to SUNY New Paltz in late August, 2014, to further hone her already considerable talent. Because college is where all the cool cats go.

Early life

Ashley was the only son of Banquo fitz Alain, Thane of Lochaber (later dead), and some chick. She was born on 3 August 1018 in Lochaber, with the name Ashley Sankowski, and also another name, Fléance fitz Flaad, because I have no idea how royal names work. This date would later become auspicious because that was the day she was born. But editors on Wikipedia have a habit of removing her from the list of famous births on 3 August, so you can thank them for that.

By all accounts, Ashley had a happy childhood, frolicking in meadows, enjoying those things that they probably have in Scotland (yeah, I've totally been there). Her relationship with her mother was distant, in no small part because the Eiffel Tower was in Paris, 784 miles away from Lochaber. Thus, the dominant parental figure in Ashley's life was always Banquo.

Ashley's relationship with this strong, strong, manly man is best characterized as tough love. They would frequently engage in swordplay, because Banquo wanted her to develop strong footwork and devastating strikes. He taught her the advanced sword-wielding techniques he had learned from studying with heroes in the Ancient Land of the Rising Sun. But when Ashley tried these techniques, she dropped her sword and stubbed her toe. Also, Banquo would constantly assault Ashley's sense of courage and honor, in order to draw out the inner lion. When this failed, he tried milkshakes. 

Ascension of the Thanage

In the late winter of 1039, Macbeth, Thane of Glamis murdered the King Duncan in a plot that can be described only as poopy. Unfortunately, British detectives were about as effective then, as they are now and, without the aid of Sherlock Holmes, the Scotland Yard let Macbeth get away with the crime of the century. Drunk on power and confidence and lots and lots of wine, Macbeth developed rampant kleptomania and stole literally everything he saw.

No one suspected anything at first — but then Banquo awoke one day to find his entire stash of manly pants stolen. He knew there was only one possible explanation: murder. But before he could do anything about it, he had to stand around in the forest for a few hours, looking all manly. Because, after all, the source of Banquo's powers were his complete and utter masculinity. But then — to the utter surprise of everyone ever — Banquo and Ashley were attacked in the middle of their nightly standing session. And then Banquo, the most badass guy ever, died, in a massively disappointing fashion that can be compared only to the death of Mace Windu in Star Wars Episode III: Anakin Throws a Hissy Fit. Oh yeah, spoiler alert.

Anyway, Ashley ran away, because Banquo, in his deep, booming voice, commanded "Fly, good Fléance, fly, fly, fly!" and, goddamn, no one can resist a voice that strikes that amount of sheer terror in the heart. That's the story of how she ended up in England.

Back in Scotland, however, trouble was a-brewin'. Macbeth turned from his thievery spree to a murder spree, because every one knows larceny is a gateway crime. A few stabbings later, the family of Macduff, Thane of Fife, was murdered, so Macduff did the Scottish thing and ran away to England. There, everyone complained loudly to the King, who sighed and agreed to send some forces along with Macduff, Ashley, and the slain Duncan's son, Malcolm.

Disguised as walking trees, the gang snuck up on Macbeth, who was taking a lovely stroll Dunsinane Hill. He didn't even suspect a thing — they got four good stabs in before Macbeth realized what was going down. Then, he drew a sword and battled the gang using his mad skills. Despite being ambushed, it looked like Macbeth might win and, in his utter confidence, he declared "I bear a charmed life, which must not yield to a man of woman born," to which Macduff countered "Dude, I'm a girl." Macduff then proceeded to decapitate Macbeth. That was that and Ashley, who, in the excitement, had dropped her sword and rolled down Dunsinane Hill, became Thane of Lochaber on 12 February 1039.

Reign

Several years of peace ensued after Ashley's ascension and she finally found time to become a student of culture. She travelled around England, meeting such great figures as David Bowie, Scooby-Doo, and The Beatles. However, she would form a bond stronger than any other with one person: William T. Riker Shakespeare. Together, they trolled audiences across England with their sex jokes and historically inaccurate historical plays. Ashley's magnum opus in the playwriting world was based off of her own experiences during the Assault on Macbethzilla on Dunsinane Hill, a masterpiece that audiences would come to know and love as The Taming of the Shrew.

However, peace could not last forever. A hundred and seven years after Ashley became Thane of Lochaber, the world was engulfed in war: World War II had begun. Taking up arms for her nation, Ashley put on her black cowl and fought along sides the likes of Captain America, Superman,Maximus Decimus Meridius and Mecha-Abraham Lincoln. Collectively, they were known as "The Avenging League of Justice and Other Fun Stuff." It all culminated in a showdown against the Evil Overlord, Michael Bay. The fight went on for days and nights and no one was sure who would emerge victorious — until Ashley emerged with Michael Bay's Ultimate Source of Ultimate Power. Thus, evil was defeated once and forever.

Retired from crime-fighting, Ashley turned her eye to politics and invented democracy on 4 July 1776. It was a Wednesday. A Wednesday that changed the world. Having invented freedom, Ashley decided that it was time to flex her freedom muscles and begin her own quest for things she wanted to do. Thus, she abdicated her throne to Walter fitz Alan, the reincarnation of Banquo, because not even death can keep Banquo down. With lots of spare time on her hands, she decided to, once again, explore her interest in culture and, in particular, acting and theatre.

Post-Abdication

No longer bound by the shackles of hereditary rule, Ashley came to America, the melting pot of culture, on her 978th birthday, 3 August 1996. She planned to jump-start her acting career in this rising country. But first, she had to surmount a challenge unlike any presented to her before: school.

It was boring stuff, because have you ever been to school before? Anyway, she kept at it, developing her musical and performance talent by singing and acting. Then, in September 2010, Ashley transferred to the Harley School where she met me, the greatest, best-looking, most talented person ever. After four years, Ashley finally graduated, and enrolled in SUNY New Paltz, where she intends to pursue her degree in Music, as well as a Doctorate in Being Awesome.

Filmography

Film

Television

Theatre

List of Things Ashley is Better Than

This list is merely a smattering of things that Ashley is better than, because a comprehensive list would be the size of the internet.

• Crack Cocaine
• Modern Medicine
• Anti-Bullying Legislation
• Chuck Norris
• Sliced Bread
• Tommy Wiseau
• Cinnamon Toast Crunch
• Harry Potter
• Cthulu
• Everybody Ever