Talk:Tupou VI/GA3

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Nominator: History6042 (talk · contribs) 15:57, 1 June 2024 (UTC)[reply]

Reviewer: Mike Christie (talk · contribs) 20:34, 12 July 2024 (UTC)[reply]

I'll review this. Mike Christie (talk - contribs - library) 20:34, 12 July 2024 (UTC)[reply]

Earwig shows no issues.

• File:Tonga princes.jpg says it's by Taina Kami, who as far as I can tell is a professional journalist. The uploader's talk page on Commons is here, and it appears from that that they've been questioned about uploading images that were not public domain as claimed and did not reply. I think it would be best to delete this from the article.
• Given that the population of Tonga is only about 80,000, I'm not expecting the news sources to be big media companies. MatangiTonga looks OK; it gives an editorial board. However, what makes Kaniva Tonga a reliable source? The about page lists only one person. Does it have an editorial staff?

Will do spotchecks next. Mike Christie (talk - contribs - library) 20:54, 12 July 2024 (UTC)[reply]

Spotchecks. Footnote numbers refer to this version.

• FN 18 cites "Concurrently, he served as a non-resident Ambassador to Japan from 15 January 2010 until his succession in 2012." Verified. Technically this doesn't say he ceased to be ambassador once he became king; I'm not going to treat that as a verification failure but I think it should be removed or rephrased or cited separately.
• FN 14 cites "In 2004, seven Members of Parliament advocated for his resignation as Prime Minister following their decision to boycott the inauguration of the Tonga Legislative Assembly." This does not say there were seven members who called for his resignation.
• FN 9 cites "His departure coincided with a period of heightened civic unrest, as pro-democracy protests gained traction from mid-2005 onward." The resigning prime minister named in this source is 'Ulukalala Lavaka Ata, not Tupou, or 'Aho‘eitu ʻUnuakiʻotonga Tukuʻaho, the other name you give for him. I see from FN 7 that this is indeed another name for him; can this be mentioned in the article? This is not a verification failure, though.
• FN 28 cites "The celebrations included many international invited guests, and an estimated 15,000 people, mostly expatriate Tongans, flew in to join the celebrations." The source has "An estimated 15,000 people, mainly expatriate Tongans, flew in for the coronation ...". This is too similar, per WP:CLOP, and needs to be rephrased.

A couple of changes needed. I'll pause the review until these points are addressed. Mike Christie (talk - contribs - library) 22:07, 12 July 2024 (UTC)[reply]

OK, I will do this. History6042 (talk) 00:17, 13 July 2024 (UTC)[reply]

The image has been deleted. Kaniva Tonga sources are gone. Will do the rest History6042 (talk) 00:24, 13 July 2024 (UTC)[reply]

Added a separate citation to the "Ambassador to Japan from 15 January 2010 until his succession in 2012." for leaving the job. History6042 (talk) 00:34, 13 July 2024 (UTC)[reply]

Done History6042 (talk) 00:40, 13 July 2024 (UTC)[reply]

For the "In 2004, seven Members of Parliament advocated for his resignation as Prime Minister following their decision to boycott the inauguration of the Tonga Legislative Assembly." issue, I changed seven to several. History6042 (talk) 00:37, 13 July 2024 (UTC)[reply]

Fixes look good; I see you haven't added anything to say his name was also 'Ulukalala Lavaka Ata -- not a problem if you don't have a source but it would be useful if you do.

Second spotchecks, since there were some errors first time around:

• FN 31 cites "On 15 January 2022, he was temporarily relocated from the Royal Palace following the eruption of Hunga Tonga–Hunga Haʻapai and the ensuing tsunami." Verified.
• FN 7 cites "Transitioning to a military career, he joined the naval arm of the Tonga Defence Services in 1982, achieving the rank of Lieutenant-Commander by 1987. He graduated from the US Naval War College as part of Class 33 in 1988." This is fairly similar to the source phrasing, but this sort of thing is hard to rephrase so I think it's OK.
• FN 37 cites "In response to the revocation of their appointments, Siaosi Sovaleni and Fekitamoeloa ʻUtoikamanu publicly announced their resignation from their respective ministerial positions in April 2024." Verified.
• FN 11 cites "He was installed as Chancellor during the USP Tonga Graduation ceremony in July 2013". Verified.

Spotcheck passes. Will read through and add comments, probably tomorrow. Mike Christie (talk - contribs - library) 02:15, 13 July 2024 (UTC)[reply]

I couldn't find a good way to put in the alternate name. And thank you. History6042 (talk) 02:26, 13 July 2024 (UTC)[reply]

I've copyedited a bit; let me know if you disagree with any of the changes I made. Comments:

• The lead is a bit short for an article of this length. Can you add a sentence or two to the lead, summarizing a few more bits of information from the body?
• You have some introductory phrases that aren't really encyclopedic language: "His educational journey took him to" would be more straightforward as "He attended", and "Transitioning to a military career, he joined the naval arm of ..." would be just as clear as "He joined the naval arm of ...". Can you trim these two? Also "Demonstrating a commitment to academic pursuits", and "His political career saw him appointed as".
• Similarly, "The culmination of these sentiments materialized in the 2006 Nukuʻalofa riots. The protests underscored ..." would be simpler as "The 2006 Nukuʻalofa riots underscored ..." and I think you could join this sentence with the previous paragraph as the topics are related.
• "the nine noble MPs": what does "noble MP" refer to?
• The honours section is not fully cited -- each honour or decoration needs a separate citation. The same goes for the styles. Are all of these worth including? The styles, for example, seems like something that would relevant in an article about the Tongan monarchy itself, but that doesn't need to be repeated in each individual monarch's article.

-- Mike Christie (talk - contribs - library) 22:27, 13 July 2024 (UTC)[reply]

The copyediting is good. I don't disagree with it. Noble MPs are some of the members of parliament of Tonga. Some seats are reserved for nobles. History6042 (talk) 22:55, 13 July 2024 (UTC)[reply]

Will do the rest. History6042 (talk) 22:55, 13 July 2024 (UTC)[reply]

Added to the lead. History6042 (talk) 22:59, 13 July 2024 (UTC)[reply]

Changed the introductory phrases. History6042 (talk) 23:04, 13 July 2024 (UTC)[reply]

Changed other sentences and deleted the honours section. History6042 (talk) 23:08, 13 July 2024 (UTC)[reply]

I think we're there. I'm going to go ahead and pass this. I would suggest adding a footnote explaining what the noble MPs are, but that's not necessary for GA. Congratulations! Mike Christie (talk - contribs - library) 02:06, 14 July 2024 (UTC)[reply]

Thank you so much. I've have had failed reviews on this article twice so far. Thank you. History6042 (talk) 02:09, 14 July 2024 (UTC)[reply]