Talk:Incisitermes minor
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I updated information mainly by creating a behavior section. Hansika.n (talk) 22:23, 2 October 2013 (UTC)
Hello! My name is Hansika Narayanan and I am working on this article as a part of my behavioral ecology class at Washington University!
Peer Review
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The facts are great. Your writing expert needs to heavily modify some of these sections, since many contain grammatical or stylistic errors. More linking is needed to explain jargon/concepts.
Dominance hierarchy: Reword the first sentence. The second sentence is grammatically incorrect. Have your writing expert look over this section; the style needs improvement. Link to nymphs, eusocial, and maybe queens.
Courtship activity: Link to a description of swarming behavior. Get rid of the "without their wings" in parenthesis. This is a large section, yet it is entirely dependent upon one source. See if you can expand the number of sources without expanding the section overall, which is already quite long.
Physogastry: section is too short.
Feeding behavior: you use virtually all your sources in this paragraph. Please expand your use of sources to other paragraphs. The paragraph needs stylistic cleanup. Refer to rubidium by its name, not its symbol, and link to it.
Activity levels: Grammar errors at the end of the paragraph. Refer to CO2 as carbon dioxide.
Rest of article: good, but rather limited in scope. See if you can get some pictures and expand. See Ant for examples and ideas.
Overall, I find that this article is decent, but needs considerable work in grammar and style. Focus on these as you continue editing. I am a harsh critic, so don't take any of what I said to personally. Please leave me a comment on my talk page if you have any questions. Gharris7 (talk) 04:19, 5 October 2013 (UTC)Gharris7
Behavior Subsection
I cleaned up some of the writing, mainly by combining many of the smaller sentences that covered similar topics into larger phrases. Overall I think this section covers a wide variety of topics and brings up some interesting facts. I am left with two lingering points:
- the "Courtship activity" section mentions how they will swarm earlier on warmer "days". Does this mean that they will begin the swarming season earlier in the year if the weather permits, or that they just start earlier in the day?
- the experiment "Feeding behavior" needs to be elaborated upon. Why is filter paper marked with Rb able to distinguish who feeds and who doesn't?
Daniel Ouellette 00:49, 11 October 2013 (UTC)
Editing, August to December
Undergraduate Peer Review (Washington University in St. Louis). I made a few grammatical corrections and have a few additional suggestions as well: please clarify: When you say, “form” new kings and queens, I think that I understand your point (that the organisms become the new kings and queens). However, perhaps clarifying this point would help. I deleted your comment that there are workers because you then state that they are not actually workers. Perhaps, you could provide a brief definition of the term “instar,” in order to provide the reader with an introduction to the topic without having to leave the article to see the hyperlink. If you could add a wider variety for sources in your “Dominance Hierarchy,” “Courtship Activity” and “Physogastry” section (which should also be expanded), I believe that your article will near “Good Article” status. --Gschalet (talk) 03:10, 11 October 2013 (UTC)gschalet
Response to Reviews: Thank you for the advice! I have added information according to the suggestions and I hope that they will help the article reach "Good Article" status or at least be higher than it is currently. I have also added pictures in addition to updating the information. Thanks for you help and please continue to let me know what changes I can make. Hansika.n (talk) 21:57, 20 November 2013 (UTC)