Talk:Herbert Loper/GA1
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Reviewer: Anotherclown (talk • contribs) 08:25, 5 October 2011 (UTC)
Progression
- Version of the article when originally reviewed: [1]
- Version of the article when review was closed: [2]
Technical review
- Citations: The Citation Check tool reveals no errors (no action required).
- Disambiguations: one dab links [3]:
- Linkrot: External links all check out [4] (no action required).
- Alt text: image lacks alt text so you might consider adding it [5] (suggestion only).
- Copyright violations: The Earwig Tool is currently not working so will AGF (no action required).
Criteria
- It is reasonably well written.
- a (prose):
b (MoS):
- "He was ranked sixth in the class, in which Alfred Gruenther was fourth, and was commissioned as a second lieutenant." Why is Alfred Gruenther's ranking significant? Also the wording seems a little difficult and you might consider rewording. A suggestion: "He was ranked sixth in the class, and was commissioned as a second lieutenant; Alfred Gruenther was fourth."
- Mentioning a more famous class member helps the reader place the subject. The only other really famous member of the class was General Anthony Clement "Nuts" McAuliffe (29) Hawkeye7 (talk) 20:42, 5 October 2011 (UTC)
- Not quite sure what you mean here: "Which USAFPOA was merged with..." is this possibly a typo?
- Typo. Corrected. Hawkeye7 (talk) 20:42, 5 October 2011 (UTC)
- "a retired Army Colonel", not sure about the capitalisation rank here should it "colonel" per Wikipedia:Manual_of_Style_(capital_letters)#Military_terms?
- Typo. Corrected. Hawkeye7 (talk) 20:42, 5 October 2011 (UTC)
- a (prose):
- It is factually accurate and verifiable.
- a (references):
b (citations to reliable sources):
c (OR):
- Sufficient use of WP:RS and citations all follow a consistent style.
- a (references):
- It is broad in its coverage.
- a (major aspects):
b (focused):
- The lead seems a little short to me, can more be added to summerise the article further per WP:LEAD?
- Expanded the lead. Hawkeye7 (talk) 20:43, 5 October 2011 (UTC)
- I'm not an expert on the subject, however the article itself seems to cover all the major aspects of Lopers life and his military service.
- Minor points:
- You might consider mentioning in the lead that the Mariana and Palau Islands campaign and the Okinawa campaigns occurred during World War II for additional context. A suggestion for the first sentence would be: "Herbert Bernard Loper (22 October 1896 – 25 August 1989) was a United States Army major general who helped plan the Mariana and Palau Islands campaign and the Okinawa campaign during World War II."
- Done. Hawkeye7 (talk) 20:42, 5 October 2011 (UTC)
- "He remained at West Point as a student officer until 11 June 1919, when he again graduated"... why did he go back, in the previous paragraph he had just graduated? Was this perhaps some sort of post-graduate study?
- Added explanation. Hawkeye7 (talk) 20:42, 5 October 2011 (UTC)
- "He was awarded a second Legion of Merit on 11 September 1948." Do we know what for?
- The Occupation of Japan. Added. Hawkeye7 (talk) 20:42, 5 October 2011 (UTC)
- You might consider mentioning in the lead that the Mariana and Palau Islands campaign and the Okinawa campaigns occurred during World War II for additional context. A suggestion for the first sentence would be: "Herbert Bernard Loper (22 October 1896 – 25 August 1989) was a United States Army major general who helped plan the Mariana and Palau Islands campaign and the Okinawa campaign during World War II."
- a (major aspects):
- It follows the neutral point of view policy.
- a (fair representation):
b (all significant views):
- No issues that I can see.
- a (fair representation):
- It is stable.
- No edit wars etc.:
- No issues here.
- No edit wars etc.:
- It contains images, where possible, to illustrate the topic.
- a (tagged and captioned):
b (Is illustrated with appropriate images):
c (non-free images have fair use rationales):
d public domain pictures appropriately demonstrate why they are public domain':
- Image used is in the PD and seems appropriate for the article.
- a (tagged and captioned):
- Overall:
- a Pass/Fail:
- Overall this article is quite good. Just a couple of prose and MoS points and the issues with the lead to be resolved before it can be promoted though. Happy to discuss of course. Anotherclown (talk) 09:05, 5 October 2011 (UTC)
- All points have been resolved and the lead has been expanded nicely, so I'm passing the review now. Thanks very much for your prompt replies. Anotherclown (talk) 12:06, 6 October 2011 (UTC)
- a Pass/Fail: