Talk:Enola Gay/GA1

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Reviewer: Ian Rose (talk · contribs) 05:12, 14 April 2013 (UTC)[reply]

I have another GAN review to do before this but thought I'd stake my claim now... ;-) Cheers, Ian Rose (talk) 05:12, 14 April 2013 (UTC)[reply]

Toolbox check -- no dab links but FN12 and FN44 links seem to be dead or at least moved. Cheers, Ian Rose (talk) 04:01, 20 April 2013 (UTC)[reply]

Structure

• Lead might be a little short; it should probably at least mention something about the storage/restoration between WWII and 1995 to summarise the whole article.
  • Added. Hawkeye7 (talk) 23:03, 24 April 2013 (UTC)[reply]
    • Um, I think you tweaked the lead but didn't see any new stuff covering the period of storage/restoration from WWII to 1995 -- that's a pretty large chunk of the article that isn't really summarised in the lead. Cheers, Ian Rose (talk) 02:35, 28 April 2013 (UTC)[reply]
      • I rewrote the lead but the change seems to have gotten lost. Restored it. Hawkeye7 (talk) 03:43, 28 April 2013 (UTC)[reply]
        • You too?! This article/GAN has clearly been infiltrated by gremlins... ;-) Cheers, Ian Rose (talk) 06:16, 28 April 2013 (UTC)[reply]
• Since you combine the Hiroshima and Nagasaki missions in one section, with subheaders for each, why not do the same for the crews?
  • Done. Hawkeye7 (talk) 23:03, 24 April 2013 (UTC)[reply]

Prose/detail
Lead

• Not sure we need to link bomber, especially with B-29 linked immediately before.
• "due to a controversy over original historical script" -- I think "owing to" is preferred over "due to" but, in any case, the rest of the wording seems odd; do you mean "controversy (no "a") over an original historical script"?
  • I've re-worded this. Hawkeye7 (talk) 23:03, 24 April 2013 (UTC)[reply]

World War II

• "B-29-45-MO, AAF Serial Number 44-86292" -- Do I take it the first figure is Boeing's serial number, and "AAF" in the second means the USAAF's serial? If so, perhaps spell out the first and at least link "AAF" to USAAF.
  • No, that is not right. 45-MO is the block number; B-29-45-MO is the model number. According to my records, this block was aircraft with serial numbers 44-86277 to 44-86315. Only two were Silverplated, 44-86291 (Necessary Evil) and 44-86292 (Enola Gay). Hawkeye7 (talk) 23:03, 24 April 2013 (UTC)[reply]
    • Okay, so can we spell out the first figure for the reader, as you've done with the second and third? Cheers, Ian Rose (talk) 02:35, 28 April 2013 (UTC)[reply]
      • Spelt it out Hawkeye7 (talk) 03:43, 28 April 2013 (UTC)[reply]
• "modified engines" -- anything more specific, e.g. "upgraded" or "more powerful" (would also eliminate the "modifications"/"modified" repetition) in the sentence.
  • Fuel injection. A flowmeter/manifold. Better cooling so the engines didn't catch fire nearly so often. Added. Hawkeye7 (talk) 23:03, 24 April 2013 (UTC)[reply]

Nagasaki

• I don't think it's clear that the primary target was Kokura. Suggest mentioning both the primary and secondary targets of the mission after the first sentence, then the significance of Enola Gay's weather report for Kokura becomes apparent.
  • Done. Hawkeye7 (talk) 23:03, 24 April 2013 (UTC)[reply]

Mission crews

• Think lower case for the roles, e.g. "pilot and aircraft commander", or at least sentence case, but definitely not title case.
  • Done. Hawkeye7 (talk) 23:03, 24 April 2013 (UTC)[reply]

Subsequent history

• Suggest brief explanation after mention of Op Crossroads, otherwise the connection to the potential test drop at Bikini Atoll isn't immediately obvious.
  • Done. Hawkeye7 (talk) 23:03, 24 April 2013 (UTC)[reply]
• Does AmEng take double "R" in "transferred"?
  • Yes. Hawkeye7 (talk) 23:03, 24 April 2013 (UTC)[reply]

Referencing

• Obviously you didn't start this one from scratch -- are you personally convinced of the standard of all the references? Is Cybermodeler, for instance, really an RS?
  • Replaced with a better cite. Hawkeye7 (talk) 23:03, 24 April 2013 (UTC)[reply]
• I don't think "BBC Documentary Hiroshima" is very satisfactory as a citation... ;-)
  • Replaced with a better cite. Hawkeye7 (talk) 23:03, 24 April 2013 (UTC)[reply]

Supporting materials

• Image licencing appears okay.
• File:Enola Gay-27527-1.jpg and File:B-29 Superfortress ENOLA GAY 4.jpg are pretty similar so I think we could afford to lose one -- no pref on my part which.
• File:Enola Gay cockpit.jpg and File:Enola Gay-27527-2.jpg are also similar -- I think the latter is superior so would lose the former.
  • Done. Hawkeye7 (talk) 23:03, 24 April 2013 (UTC)[reply]

Cheers, Ian Rose (talk) 14:41, 24 April 2013 (UTC)[reply]

• Okay, happy with all changes -- passing as GA, well done. Cheers, Ian Rose (talk) 06:16, 28 April 2013 (UTC)[reply]