Diem Saunders (final version) received a peer review by Wikipedia editors, which on 19 November 2023 was archived. It may contain ideas you can use to improve this article.
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The following discussion is closed. Please do not modify it. Subsequent comments should be made on the appropriate discussion page. No further edits should be made to this discussion.
Hi Bridget, I'll be taking this GAN on. I've done a quick read-through and the content and sources look good, so I imagine this will mostly be a review for readability. I'll try to have a complete review for you in the next few days. Feel free to ping me if you have any questions in the meantime!
Hi again Bridget - I've finished my initial review. Overall I think it's a strong article. Issues are mostly style/prose related, with one or two citations that might need clarifying or fixing. My suggestions are below - let me know if you disagree with any of them or if you have any questions about what I've written!
grungaloo (talk) 02:18, 7 December 2023 (UTC)[reply]
Hi Bridget, thanks for making the corrections and clarifications! I think you've done an excellent job on this article and given a really good treatment of the subject. All the GAN criteria have been met and I'm happy to be able to promote this article. Congratulations, and thanks again for all your work! grungaloo (talk) 17:45, 9 December 2023 (UTC)[reply]
Note: this represents where the article stands relative to the Good Article criteria. Criteria marked are unassessed
These are just my suggestions so don't feel as thought you need to listen to them!
General comments
YUse of MMIW vs MMIWG - both are used throughout the article, suggest picking one for consistency. The WP article uses MMIW, but I think MMIWG is common enough in Canadian press that it could reasonably be used.
Agreed! Going to try generally using MMIWG. I'm going to keep the description of Loretta Saunders's thesis as MMIW to match the two cited sources. Bridget(talk)00:37, 7 December 2023 (UTC)[reply]
YRepeated Wikilinks - MMIW is wikilinked a few times, Amnesty International too.
YRepeated citations - There's a few passages where the same citation is used in consecutive sentences, like "Early life", [fn 2] is cited several times in a row. Those only need to be cited at the end of the relevant passage rather than for each line.
Y"who was an advocate for..." - "who advocated for..." They're already established as an activist so no need to restate they're an advocate, just who they advocate for.
Y"public concern into the epidemic of missing and murdered Indigenous women and girls in the country" - Change "the country" to Canada.
Y"The family testified at hearings for the National Inquiry into Missing and Murdered Indigenous Women three years later." - Add the specific year (2017?).
Y"concerns of the environmental impact of a planned hydroelectric power project in Labrador's Muskrat Falls" - concerns about the environmental impactsof a planned hydroelectric power project at Labrador's Muskrat Falls.
Y"between the provincial government and leaders in Labrador's Indigenous community and the establishment of an expert advisory committee" - Suggest rewriting to indicate the advisory committee was an outcome of the deal. Sounds like the agreement was reached between the province, Indigenous groups, and the advisory committee.
I was wrong here, originally I thought their death was more closely related to their activism regarding transplant. I reread the sources and it's like you say it's not specified what they died from. I think the lead is good without mentioning their death. grungaloo (talk) 03:43, 8 December 2023 (UTC)[reply]
Early life
Y1991 or 1992 - Neither source references their birth year, is there another source for this?
Y"According to Maclean's magazine" - not needed because the passage is cited, unless there's not consensus and you're explicitly saying which source takes which stance
Y"The Saunders family resides in..." - change this to past tense ("in 2019 the family resided in...", or "continued to reside in") unless there is a source showing they still live there
Y"After the family lost touch with Loretta..." - Specify the "Saunders" family for clarity, might need to reword since Diem is mentioned in the same sentence. Consider "After losing touch with Loretta on Valentine's day, Saunders led..."
Y"had provided support to them at the time Loretta's trial had started" - a bit unclear what's being said. Emotional support, financial support?
Right. I just rewrote that Johnston helped Saunders with handling their grief when Loretta's trial started, since the source doesn't specify. Bridget(talk)02:34, 9 December 2023 (UTC)[reply]
Y"helped organize Atlantic Canada screenings" - "screenings in Atlantic Canada"
Y"who were murdered or disappeared" - "who were murdered or who disappeared"
Y"Until a deal made by Newfoundland and Labrador premier..." - Suggest splitting this sentence. It's not clear that the establishment of the advisory committee was the outcome of the deal.
I wasn't trying to say intentionally, but I guess now I can see that the source implies that it was an outcome. I've changed it and modified the mention of the event in the lead. Bridget(talk)
Y"Nunatsiavut, in Labrador" - your call, but I don't think you need "in Labrador" since that's been said earlier in the article. Could go either way though.
Y"Speaking with APTN News" - can drop this since APTN is the source for the satement.
Y"Saunders praised the decision by the government" - This sentence could probably be split for better flow. I would suggest splitting at "money originally designated for a proposal..."
Y"that failed to be processed by the provincial government the previous month" - Unsure what this means. How does this affect the $10 million that was offered? Was it only available because of this failure? Also what does it mean "failed to be processed"? Could consider dropping this, I don't think it's necessary.
I've rewritten the sentence considering the points above: Saunders praised the decision by the government of Nunatsiavut to decline $10 million offered by the provincial government and Nalcor Energy, the provincial energy corporation operating the Muskrat Falls reservoir, in 2019 as compensation for the provincial government's failure to have surrounding wetlands capped.
Y"and American singer Alicia Keys for her social activism" - not sure this is needed as it's not really relevant to the article.
Trimmed for her social activism since it's not too relevant, but I think Keys should be mentioned as she was prominent in coverage of the award (being a celebrity). Bridget(talk)02:34, 9 December 2023 (UTC)[reply]
Y"held in the Membertou First Nation, N.S., in October of that year." - Nova Scotia should be spelled out, N.S. might not be easily understandable to non-Canadians
Y"including touching Saunders's leg" - change to Saunders' so it's consistent with previous uses of the possessive
The article has been pretty consistent using Saunders's, except for two instances of Saunders' that have now been changed. I see it varies between sources - I just saw this CBC article and started what they used. Should I should swap to Saunders'? Bridget(talk)02:34, 9 December 2023 (UTC)[reply]
I think my original assessment was off. I like the way it looks now, but it also worked fine the previous way. I'll leave it to you if you want to change it back or leave it. grungaloo (talk) 17:45, 9 December 2023 (UTC)[reply]
Personal life
Y"they announced on social media: " - Swap colon for a comma.
The discussion above is closed. Please do not modify it. Subsequent comments should be made on the appropriate discussion page. No further edits should be made to this discussion.
Use of MMIW vs MMIWG - both are used throughout the article, suggest picking one for consistency. The WP article uses MMIW, but I think MMIWG is common enough in Canadian press that it could reasonably be used.
