Wikipedia:WikiProject Military history/Assessment/Bessas (general)

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Article promoted Hawkeye7 (talk) 22:56, 25 January 2013 (UTC)[reply]

Bessas (general)

Nominator(s): Constantine ✍

Bessas is practically unknown today, but his life was colourful and exemplifies the "cosmopolitan" character of military service in 6th-century Byzantium: a Thracian Goth who served in Mesopotamia, Italy and finally the Caucasus, of dubious moral character, unquestionably brave but also responsible for losing Rome to his cousins the Ostrogoths in 546... Written in September, it passed GA without problems, and has undergone only some slight polishing in prose since then. The article is relatively short, but comprehensive per WP:SS. Any comments and/or criticism is, as always, welcome! Constantine ✍ 23:35, 2 January 2013 (UTC)[reply]

Support Comments: only a few minor comments from me:

  • in regards to the headings, I'd suggest removing the "Life" heading and just going with the other three as level two headings;
  • "Bessas took part in the war as an officer" --> perhaps add a wikilink here to Officer (armed forces);
  • inconsistent "Yazdgerd" v "Yazdegerd";
  • I found this sentence awkward: "Finally, Bessas proved negligent of the conduct of the defence, so that on 17 December, the city was betrayed to Totila by four Isaurian soldiers". (Is it possible to reword?)
  • in the Sources, inconsistent "Cambridge" v. "Cambridge, United Kingdom". Regards, AustralianRupert (talk) 09:46, 9 January 2013 (UTC)[reply]
Thanks for the review. I've implemented the suggested changes. I also expanded a bit on exactly how Bessas proved negligent in the defence of Rome, and made the referencing a bit more specific in this section. Anything else? Constantine ✍ 09:19, 10 January 2013 (UTC)[reply]
No, that's it from me. Cheers, AustralianRupert (talk) 09:32, 10 January 2013 (UTC)[reply]
  • CommentsSupport
    • No dab links [1] (no action required).
    • External links check out [2] (no action required).
    • Images lack Alt Text [3] so you might consider adding it (suggestion only - not an ACR requirement).
    • The Citation Check Tool reveals an error with reference consolidation:
      • Martindale, Jones & Morris (1980), p. 228 (Multiple references contain the same content)
      • PLRE228 (Multiple references are using the same name)
    • Images are licenced and are appropriate to the article (no action required).
    • The Earwig Tool reveals no issues with copyright violations [4] (no action required).
    • No duplicate links found (no action required).
    • "There he redeemed himself by the recapture of Petra...", to my ear would sound better as "There he redeemed himself with the recapture of Petra..." (suggestion only)
    • This seems a little awkward to me: "The civilian population were so exhausted by famine that when Bessas finally allowed those who wanted to leave the city, many simply died on the wayside, while others were killed by the Goths." Would this work better: "The civilian population were so exhausted by famine that when Bessas finally allowed those who wanted to leave the city to do so, many simply died on the wayside, while others were killed by the Goths."
    • Otherwise this looks quite good to me. Anotherclown (talk) 13:53, 13 January 2013 (UTC)[reply]

Comments. As always, feel free to revert my copyediting. Please check the edit summaries. - Dank (push to talk)

  • Reword both instances of "however". (I can't do it because "however" has many different shades of meaning ... for instance, the first occurrence might best be reworded as "nevertheless", "but", "on the other hand", or "lastly".)
  • You say "Bessas" too often; use pronouns and forms of address when possible.
  • Support on prose per standard disclaimer. These are my edits. - Dank (push to talk) 04:09, 21 January 2013 (UTC)[reply]
The discussion above is closed. Please do not modify it. Subsequent comments should be made on the appropriate discussion page. No further edits should be made to this discussion.
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